Archive for the ‘Memoirs’ Category

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www.comingoutofdark.com launched

May 2, 2010

Hello everyone,

I thought I better post this in case many are still visiting this blog for updates.  Coming Out Of The Dark has moved to its own domain.

http://comingoutofdark.com/

Check it out!

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CHARMAINE LOVERIN “LOVING MY SINNER, HATING HIS SIN”

December 13, 2009

Part 1 – Photographs of Charmaine Loverin explaining the story & feeling behind her art projects.

Part 3 – Charmaine Loverin Making  A Difference For Children

Dream Big

Dream Big - Charmaine Loverin, Artist

Canadian artist, Charmaine Loverin is preparing for what she hopes will be a major shift in conversations about child sexual abuse offenders.  She dares to say that since abuse starts with the abuser, if treatment was available, child sexual abuse can be stopped.  In what is sure to be a widely discussed book, “Loving My Sinner, Hating His Sin” Loverin takes on that challenge and shares her own story of being sexually abused and the process of charging and ultimately forgiving her father.

While currently seeking a publisher for the book, Loverin has a goal to have it printed and published by May 12, 2010.  “It tells the story of how I got to where I got in charging my offender,” she explains “and having my life the way it looks like today, no matter if it looks successful or challenging.  It answers the question, how can I be so shameless and open with my life?”

While consulting with experts, Loverin is now working with offenders, who are creating new and better lives due to getting treatment and stopping abuse.  “Would I say then at the same time do I trust them?” asks Loverin, “Absolutely not, it’s like putting a bottle of booze in front of an alcoholic; you don’t put a child in front of a abuser.”  Some wonder how she could possibly do this work being a survivor herself.  “Believe me, it takes strength as a victim to walk beside an offender and not come from a place of reaction or anger,” she explains.  “It really takes something to give up that area because where does it all start, bottom line?  It all starts with the offender.

Now with this book, “holy shift of conversation” says Loverin, “it’s going to be a huge shift for people to consider that offenders are creating new and better lives by being treated and stopping abuse.”  Loverin and many organizations continue to support the victims and survivors, yet also look at what’s not available for the offenders.  “That is really important for me to get out there is that there is no treatment for the offenders,” she states. “Not to justify their actions, I’m not here to say what they have done is right, because we have to create our own boundaries and protect ourselves from the offenders.”

Through her father getting treatment, Loverin made the decision to forgive him and surprisingly allows him to be in her children’s life.  “They are in my dads life around boundaries that I have created and what is legally created with him too because he was charged, says Loverin. “Why do I want him in my life?  Because after 8 years of not speaking to him, I felt that this man, who was the fun parent outside of what happened to me with him, if I never spoke to him again, I would actually regret that.”

Loverin works with a psychotherapist, who works with offenders in the federal prisons and opened up to her that offenders don’t have treatment available and they can’t get treatment because there is no funding on their own background of abuse.  Therefore, Rockwood Psychology goes into the jail systems themselves and provides treatment, therapy and supports an organization called Circles of Accountability and Support where they set up communities for the offenders.

“They make the community aware that the offenders are here justifiably so, so we can protect and move forward with this new identity that we can all go on,” says Loverin. “It’s like being a victim; wouldn’t you want to go on with a new and better life?  It’s the same conversation, except for you know what?  This asshole has done what he has done.   It doesn’t justify it, only put an equal conversation, because I know they are two profoundly different things, a bottle and a baby or child, but you know what?  It’s an addiction.  It is possible to stop child sex abuse so I’m riding on this book to dare I say so and cause a shift in that conversation.” – By Diane Foy

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Howie Mandel Here’s The Deal, Don’t Touch Me

November 27, 2009

Howie Mandel tweeted he will be in Toronto at Indigo Books (Eaton Center) on Dec. 4th to sign copies of his book, Here’s The Deal, Don’t Touch Me

Dec 4th 7pm, Indigo Books in Eaton Center, Toronto Howie Mandel

Signing/Reading/Interview Join us for a book signing with Howie Mandel as he signs copies of his new book. Here’s the Deal: Don’t Touch Me is a frank, funny, no-holds-barred memoir that reveals the Deal or No Deal host’s ongoing struggle with OCD and ADHD-and how it has shaped his life and career.

A good Canadian introduction is included in the one for amazon.ca

It’s sure to please Howie Mandel’s legion of fans–and provide hope to the millions who strive to succeed in spite of OCD and ADHD.

Be sure to watch the 20/20 interview

Then follow it with the greatest comic relief


I didn’t know what ADHD was so I looked it up – Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a developmental disorder characterized by distractibility, hyperactivity, impulsive behaviors, and the inability to remain focused on tasks or activities.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a type of anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorder is the experience of prolonged, excessive worry about circumstances in one’s life. OCD is characterized by distressing repetitive thoughts, impulses or images that are intense, frightening, absurd, or unusual. These thoughts are followed by ritualized actions that are usually bizarre and irrational. These ritual actions, known as compulsions, help reduce anxiety caused by the individual’s obsessive thoughts. Often described as the “disease of doubt, ” the sufferer usually knows the obsessive thoughts and compulsions are irrational but, on another level, fears they may be true.

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MacKenzie Phillips High On Arrival

November 25, 2009

We all know Mackenzie Phillips first told her story of incest sexual abuse from her father on Oprah as her book High On Arrival was about to be released.  Following that appearance she appeared on other shows and also returned to Oprah called Shattering the Secrecy of Incest // Mackenzie Phillips’ Follow-Up.  Here are some interviews in case you missed them.

First Oprah Appearance:

Mackenzie Phillips Oprah follow up:

Larry King Live:

Showbiz Tonight Response:

Mackenzie takes back the word “consensual” & a viewers similar story

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Miss America By Day

November 12, 2009

In her book, Miss America By Day – Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love, Marilyn Van Derbur, a former Miss America, tells the story of how she was sexually violated by her prominent, millionaire father from age 5 to age 18. She was 53 years old before she was able to speak the words in public, “I am an incest survivor.” She opened the door for tens of thousands of sexual abuse survivors to also speak the words, many for the first time, within their own families and communities.

Marilyn describes, in detail, what specific “work” she did on her journey from victim to survivor. After learning of a woman’s rape, Marilyn heard a close friend say, “It was a bad 20 minutes.” In the hope that rape and sexual abuse will no longer be as easily dismissed or minimized, Marilyn writes for the first time about what her father did to her and what the impact has been on her adult life.

Using her story as the scaffolding, she shares knowledge and insights she has gained through speaking personally with adult survivors of sexual abuse across the country. Marilyn has been in personal contact with more survivors than anyone in America. She has personally answered over 8,000 letters and spoken in 225 cities. Survivors line up for two to three hours to tell her their stories.

Marilyn’s major motivation in writing the book came as a result of hearing these words literally thousands of times: “When I was 7 and my brother was 13…” Only the ages changed.

The most frequently reported age when sexual abuse begins is between 5 and 6 years old and common offenders are older brothers and teenage baby-sitters (both male and female). Suprisingly, 14 -year-olds comprise the largest number of sex offenders of any age group.

With her extensive research on the long-term impact of trauma and her belief that sexual abuse prevention is the best weapon for keeping our children safe, Marilyn urges parents to talk with children, as young as five, and provides suggested guidelines for important conversations that will, hopefully, evolve into continuous dialogues.

Knowing that vulnerable children are targets, she gives unique ways of building children’s self esteem.

Read how she responds to: “This happened decades ago.” “How could you forget?” “Are there really ‘false memories’?” “Can ‘just fondling’ cause as much trauma as rape?” “Did you forgive?” “How did you develop a satisfying sexual relationship?” The major theme that ties the book together is how her marriage continued to thrive during her darkest years of recovery.  Long list of Resources on her website

Two important videos to watch from former Miss America Marilyn Van Derbur

(Just a note – I have not read this book, only came across the story & thought I needed to make the video interview  heard)